


man hands on misery to man

by prydon



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Accidental Pregnancy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Fluff and Angst, Other, Peter Nureyev vs the mortifying ordeal of being known: baby edition, Trans Peter Nureyev, Trans Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29586750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prydon/pseuds/prydon
Summary: "Even if you wanted to have children, even if I do, even if we were accountants settled on Mercury and no one was after our heads, I couldn’t...I couldn’t do that to a child.”“Couldn’t do...what?” Juno asks, startled by the force behind Nureyev’s voice.“I couldn’t burden them with having me as a father. It wouldn’t be fair.”--A story about new life, fear, love, family, and the breaking of generational curses.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 64
Kudos: 144





	man hands on misery to man

**Author's Note:**

> Look I'm just as surprised as you are that I wrote a baby fic. I have no idea how that happened. There aren't all that many of these in Penumbra fandom, are there? Well, I hope someone likes it.
> 
> Really this only happened because I happened to run across the poem "This Be the Verse" by Philip Larkin again and suddenly I had a dire need to write a Jupeter fic inspired by it, so yeah. That's where the title comes from:
> 
> _They fuck you up, your mum and dad.  
>  They may not mean to, but they do.  
> They fill you with the faults they had  
> And add some extra, just for you._
> 
> _But they were fucked up in their turn  
>  By fools in old-style hats and coats,  
> Who half the time were soppy-stern  
> And half at one another’s throats._
> 
> _Man hands on misery to man.  
>  It deepens like a coastal shelf.  
> Get out as early as you can,  
> And don’t have any kids yourself. _
> 
> CWs for pregnancy and (a very not detailed depiction of) childbirth, nausea/vomiting, reference to past parental abuse, and frank discussions/mentions of the possibility of abortion and miscarriage (though neither happen in the fic).

Juno fiddles with a game Rita downloaded to his comms as he waits for Nureyev to come out of the infirmary, trying not to feel too frustrated. 

Leave it to Nureyev to only go to the doctor when something is actively harming his ability to work. The man’s been feeling off for weeks- he sleeps the same amount that he always does, which is admittedly not much, but seems much more tired than he was previously. He’s been queasy too, and Juno’s caught him with his head in the toilet on more than one occasion.

At first they’d both assumed that it was just a lingering effect of food poisoning. That hadn’t been a fun night by any stretch of the imagination: the crew had gone out to eat together on a small Solar moon known for its amazing cuisine, and Nureyev had been the only one to order the house seafood dish, a fact he deeply regretted only an hour later when he was vomiting his insides out in a trashcan. He’d spent the entire night on the floor of the ship bathroom, sweaty and miserable. Juno was with him for every second of it, determined to be a good girlfriend, but...if he never had to do that again, it would be too soon.

When the nausea continued weeks after the incident, however, they were forced to conclude that it was something different. Nureyev’s always been prone to stress, so Juno suggested that as a possible cause, but he insisted he’s actually been doing okay in that area lately.

He still refused to go see Vespa about it until today, though. It took the tendonitis in his wrist finally getting so bad that he couldn’t take handwritten notes anymore for him to finally capitulate.

“Promise me you’re not going to just run in there, grab the anti-inflammatories and leave,” Juno said to him before he entered the med bay. “Vespa said you haven’t had a full check up since you joined the crew. At least tell her about the stuff you’ve been feeling lately.”

Nureyev rolled his eyes at him, but still agreed in the end. Now all Juno can do is wait for the check up to end and hope that whatever’s up, it’s something that can be easily remedied.

When Nureyev enters his room and slumps onto the bed beside him looking pale and stony-faced, that hope is immediately dashed.

“...Babe?”

Nureyev doesn’t respond, staring straight ahead. His hands are folded in his lap and shaking slightly.

“H-hey,” Juno says nervously, his brain already spiraling towards a thousand worst case scenarios. “Look, whatever it is, we’ll get through it together. If you’re really sick, or if it’s something chronic, or...whatever, I promise you I’m not gonna leave. I’ll help you every step of-”

“I’m pregnant.”

Juno’s words die in his throat. “...What?”

“Vespa wanted to do a routine chest X-ray, so she checked first just to make sure, and...I’m pregnant.”

“But...that’s not possible,” is all Juno can think to say. “Your birth control prevents pregnancy in 100% of cases.”

“It does if your body absorbs it. I took it on the same day...the same day we went to that restaurant.”

His eye widens. “Fuck. You must’ve thrown it up before it had time to sink in.”

“I should’ve realized sooner. I- I’m sorry. I didn’t want to put this on you. We already had this talk, and I understand perfectly why you don’t want to have children. I had every intention of honoring that desire, but I didn’t know that the-”

“No, hey, it’s not your fault,” Juno says, struggling to find words. “I’m just a little...I, uh, didn’t expect this.”

“Neither did I, believe me.”

“So...that’s why you’ve been feeling off lately.”

“Apparently.”

“You’re _pregnant.”_

He can hear the shock and fear in his voice, and Nureyev must too, because he immediately says, “It’s nothing to worry about, anyway. I’ll end it. I’ve already spoken to Vespa about that, and she informed me that I’m early enough along that it should be fairly easy to terminate things. It’s just a matter of-”

“Wait. Wait a second, Nureyev,” Juno says quickly. “Is that...what you want?”

Nureyev frowns at him. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve said a lot about how you think I feel about having kids, but you haven’t said anything about how _you_ feel. Even when we talked about it before, you never did. You just went along with everything I said,” Juno realizes. “Do... _you_ want to end the pregnancy?”

“Juno, it doesn’t matter what I want,” Nureyev says, looking at him like he’s grown a second head. “We’re wanted criminals aboard a space pirate ship; we can’t have a child.” 

“I don’t think that’s necessarily true. I mean, things would change, but I bet it’s not impossible to have a kid in our line of work if you really-”

“Don’t you get it?! _None_ of that matters. Even if you wanted to have children, even if I do, even if we were accountants settled on Mercury and no one was after our heads, I couldn’t...I couldn’t do that to a child.”

“Couldn’t do...what?” Juno asks, startled by the force behind Nureyev’s voice.

“I couldn’t burden them with having me as a father. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“Nureyev…”

“Don’t _‘Nureyev’_ me. This is not some pity party. It’s the truth. The only parent I’ve ever had didn’t know how to love me without lying to me, and I...I never learned how to be one any other way. There’s still so much of him in me, Juno. I can’t put anyone else through what I went through. It’s not right.”

“Hey, hey,” Juno says, putting a hand on his trembling shoulder. “I...get it. Hell, that’s why I never wanted kids. Every time I got frustrated or scared or angry, I felt my mother in me. But...over the past couple years, I’ve realized that I’m _not_ her. Maybe I am like her in some ways, but there were parts of her that were good. Maybe...maybe I’ve inherited those parts, too.”

“He always told such terrible jokes,” Nureyev says quietly. “Good god, they were awful, but...they made me laugh.”

“See? You’ve definitely inherited that.”

“My jokes are not _terrible.”_

“Mm, keep telling yourself that.” 

There’s quiet for a moment, and then Juno reaches out and intertwines his fingers with Nureyev’s.

“Forget about him for a second. Forget about me,” he says. “I’m asking you again: what does _Peter Nureyev_ want?”

Nureyev meets his eyes, and his expression is so vulnerable and delicate that Juno worries he might shatter. Then he says, “When I was young, I always fantasized about...having a family with the person I loved. I even thought of names. I...I liked the idea of leaving behind a legacy. Of creating something better than I am, that I could give a better childhood than the one I got.”

“You want the baby.”

“That was when I was young,” Nureyev says quickly. “I’m now in an entirely different situation. I’m not going to shackle you to me like that, Juno. It has to be a mutual decision. Children know when they’re not wanted, after all, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to-”

“Who says I don’t want it?”

Nureyev stares at him, mouth hanging slightly open. “What?”

Juno groans and rubs his eye. “This is...kind of a lot. I won’t pretend I’m not fucking terrified, because I am. I’m not ready, either. But...it’s not happening tomorrow. We’ve still got another eight months or so, right? Hell, even after that, if we decide we can’t do it, we can always give the baby up to someone who can.”

“Juno...you really…”

“A year ago I would’ve said hell no, but things are different now. We’re both better than we were, and besides, we’re not alone. It wouldn’t be up to just us to make or break whether the kid has a good life. We have a whole family, Nureyev. Rita’s amazing with kids, Vespa’s a certified doctor, Buddy’s whole thing is being a mom, and Jet...well, I dunno about Jet, but I bet he’s good, too.”

“I...hadn’t thought about that.”

Juno’s heart aches. “You don’t have to do everything on your own, Nureyev. If you choose to do this, I’ll support you. We’re all gonna help. All right?”

The next thing he knows, Nureyev has slumped over into his shoulder and is crying quietly. Juno rocks him and strokes his hair, softly singing a tune he heard on his comms radio the other day.

When the tears finally subside, Nureyev sniffs and says, “I want it. I love you, and I love that it’s yours, and I want to have it.”

“Okay,” Juno says slowly. “Then...let’s figure out what we need to do next.”

As it turns out, what they need to do next is an extremely intensive medical screening, after which Vespa sits them down for a long talk.

“I’m not gonna say there’s no risk of complications,” she says levelly. “Ransom, you’re on the older end of the safe age range, and there are some health concerns to look out for as a result of your...background.”

Vespa had asked about his medical history, and Juno had held Nureyev’s hand as he reluctantly told Vespa about his childhood. He’d only done so in the broadest strokes, enough to paint a picture of the long term malnutrition and sickness that plagued his development as a result of growing up on Brahma’s surface. Vespa hadn’t made any comments, but Juno could tell from the look on her face that she was shocked. She’d probably assumed that he grew up in some ritzy mansion on a Solar planet, not in the dirt of the Outer Rim like her.

“So...is it safe?” Juno asks. “Safe enough, I mean.”

She hesitates, then nods. “If this is really what you want, then yes. I’ll need Ransom in here every week for check ups, and I’m gonna give you a diet plan and vitamins and all that shit, but if you’re careful...it shouldn’t be that much more dangerous than pregnancy is for anyone else.”

Juno sees the relief bloom on Nureyev’s face and squeezes his hand. “Okay. God, okay. Good.”

“Are you both...absolutely sure about this?” she asks, raising an eyebrow at them. “You’ve only been together a year, and we’re not exactly...settled. You still have time to wait and try again later.”

“We want to do it,” Nureyev says, voice firm.

“...All right. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure the thing’s healthy, then.”

“Thank you, Vespa.”

She looks taken aback by his genuine gratitude, but then shakes her head and says, “Yeah, yeah. It’s just my job. Uh, what about the others? Is the jury out yet on whether to tell them about this?”

Nureyev looks to Juno, who inclines his head back at him. It’s his decision. “I...would prefer them not to know just yet,” he says. “Not until things are further along.”

“Fine. I won’t tell them, then.”

“Not even-”

“Not even Buddy,” she confirms. “Now...get out of here. I’m tired of seeing your faces.”

As they walk out, however, she stops them to say, “I’ll see you again next Tuesday for your check up, Ransom. And, uh..congratulations. Both of you.”

Juno grins. “Thanks, Vespa.”

“Ugh, whatever. Shut up and go.”

Keeping anything on the down low is difficult when you’re stuck on a ship in close quarters with four other people, however. Juno’s pretty sure that the others have noticed that Nureyev’s replaced all his caffeinated tea with uncaffeinated, keeps sleeping in later, and is eating more at meals, though he hopes they assume he’s just doing it out of a desire to be healthy and no other reason.

“If I knew getting you pregnant would make you finally sleep and eat better, I would’ve done it way earlier,” Juno teases when they’re left alone after dinner to wash dishes, which earns him an elbow to the gut.

Nureyev’s frequent visits to the bathroom and to the infirmary to check in with Vespa are hard to hide, too. Thankfully, Jet has never seemed particularly concerned with what Nureyev is up to, and Buddy is too focused on their upcoming heists to pay him any mind. Rita is the only one Juno’s actually nervous about.

“Mistah Ransom’s real tired lately, ain’t he?” she says one night. The three of them just finished watching a stream together in her room, but Nureyev conked out on Juno’s shoulder halfway through and is still asleep, snoring gently. “He missed the whole ending, and that’s the best part!”

“Er, yeah. I’ll tell him what happened when he wakes up.”

“Is he okay, Mistah Steel?”

“...Yeah, he is. I promise, Rita.”

“Hmph. Okay, then.” She looks like she wants to ask more, but she stops herself, to his relief. She’s been working on remembering how much Juno’s recovered, and that she can now trust him to tell her what she needs to know without her pushing. “He’s been looking...real good, too, though. Brighter, somehow. Like in the streams when someone’s just gotten engaged and they’re all happy and ohmygosh Mistah Steel did you propose to Mistah Ransom, because if you did then you gotta-”

Juno snorts. “We’re not engaged yet, Rita.”

_“Yet!”_

“Shhhh. I’ll talk to you about it when I can.”

“...Okay, Mistah Steel. I trust you.”

A few weeks later, Juno is woken up in the middle of the night to Nureyev shaking his shoulder. His heart immediately jumps into his throat at the sight of him, looking at Juno with wide, desperate eyes. Juno’s always been protective, but he can’t deny that his protectiveness has increased recently, something he knows annoys Nureyev every time Juno refuses to let him pick up anything that weighs more than twenty pounds.

“Nureyev? What’s wrong?”

Nureyev doesn’t reply. Instead he grabs Juno’s hands and pulls them forward, placing them on his torso.

He’s confused for a second, but then something shifts slightly beneath his fingers and he figures out what’s happening. “It...it’s moving.”

“I can feel it,” Nureyev says weakly. “I’ve never felt it like that before.”

Juno realizes that the brightness in his eyes isn’t just a reflection of the light creeping in from the hallway. “Okay. Uh, okay. Are those good tears or bad tears?”

“I don’t know.”

It’s something they’ve both been trying to get better at- actually identifying and voicing their feelings. It’s easier said than done, though, Juno knows. “Are you...relieved? Sad? Excited?” he guesses, trying to go through the chart Buddy gave him in his head.

“Scared,” Nureyev finally chokes out. “I think I’m...quite scared, actually, love. That’s a bad sign, isn’t it? I shouldn’t be scared of my own child before it’s born. I’m already a terrible father. We shouldn’t do this. I-”

Juno shushes him gently. “No, no. Listen, everybody gets scared. I told you, I’m scared, too. That doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t or shouldn’t be a dad,” he says. “Now...what is it you’re scared of?”

Nureyev pushes his hair from his forehead, which is shining with sweat, and takes deep breaths. “This being is...alive because of me. Inside of me. It needs me to survive.”

“That’s a lot of responsibility, isn’t it?” Juno guesses.

He nods shakily. “I don’t feel deserving of that...reliance. I don’t know if I can live up to it.”

“I understand that.” Juno can remember a night he felt much the same, after all- a night when a master thief had looked at him like he was the only thing in the universe that mattered. He remembers how the thought of holding someone’s heart between his teeth like that had terrified him so much that he turned tail and ran.

He can’t imagine how it’d feel to have another being’s heart _literally_ inside of you, to feel it move in your body and feed off of you to survive. Still…

“Just because you feel that way doesn’t mean it’s true, though. You can be scared you don’t deserve something and still deserve it.” It’s taken Juno a long time to accept that, but he knows it’s true now.

Nureyev bites his lip. “I know. I suppose...being able to feel it just makes it all the more real. It’s a reminder of...how much of this child is being made by me. My body. My genes. Juno...what if they turn out like me?”

“Really? You’re scared of _that?_ Babe, I’m _hoping_ they’ll turn out like you. That’s the best case scenario.”

“It is not! The best case scenario is that they turn out like you!”

“What, with my asthma and bad back? No way.”

“I want them to have your eyes.”

“You want them to be born with one missing? That’s pretty cruel, Nureyev-”

“Oh, hush, you know what I meant!”

“Well, I certainly wouldn’t wish your eye _sight_ on anyone, so you’ve got a point there.”

They both laugh a little, but then the melancholy look returns to Nureyev’s face. “I am...serious, though, Juno. I didn’t exactly have the best relationship with my father, so if they’re anything like me-”

“What, you think the baby’s gonna grow up to dramatically stab you through the chest when they find out you’re planning to murder millions of people?” Usually Juno wouldn’t bring up that event so callously, and he does regret it as soon as he says it, but it also feels necessary to make Nureyev understand how unfounded his worries are. “That’s not gonna happen. Cause you’re not gonna try to murder millions of people.”

“I...suppose you make a good point.”

“Here. Let’s make a deal. I promise to make sure you don’t start lying to the kid about their whole life and manipulating them to fight a deeply flawed revolutionary cause, and you make sure I don’t shoot them dead because I think they took my pills. Deal?”

His tone is light, but he knows Nureyev can sense the earnestness hidden deep beneath the facetious request. When Nureyev says “Deal”, Juno can hear the same earnestness in his voice.

They both slump back onto the pillows, side by side.

“We both were...quite unlucky in the parenting department, weren’t we?” Nureyev muses after a long pause.

Juno snorts. “Yeah. We really were.”

“...Ah.”

“Babe?”

“They’re moving again,” Nureyev says, grabbing Juno’s hand and placing it on his torso again. This time, though, he’s smiling. “They’re strong. They must get that from you.”

“Ugh, shut up,” Juno says, but then he rolls over and kisses Nureyev, hand still pressed under his shirt.

“I did not realize that Ransom was also a graduate of the Hyperion City Police Academy,” Jet muses, watching Nureyev make his tea in the kitchen from where he and Juno are sitting at the table, polishing Jet’s tools together.

“He’s not, he just stole my shirt,” Juno groans.

“Hm, that explains it.”

It takes Juno a moment to notice the twinkle in Jet’s eye. “...You were kidding.”

Jet chuckles. “Ransom has made a habit out of taking your clothing. Soon you won’t have any left.”

“Yeah, probably not.”

He doesn’t mention why Nureyev’s been stealing his shirts, of course. Nureyev can’t fit into a lot of his own clothes anymore, not without making it abundantly obvious that something’s going on. Juno told him that was the price he had to pay for building a wardrobe with so many mesh and snug outfits- not to mention the corsets, which are now an absolute no-go.

Nureyev doesn’t seem to have heard his and Jet’s exchange, however. He wanders over, sets his tea down on the table, and then wraps his arms around Juno’s neck from behind, leaning against him.

“Morning, Ransom,” Juno says, laughing.

“Morning,” Nureyev mumbles into his hair, then yawns loudly. “Care to join me on a walk outside, while we’re planetside?”

“Nothing I’d rather do. Meet you by the ship in an hour?”

“I’ll be there.”

Long walks have become a routine for them, both for Nureyev’s health and so they have the opportunity to talk alone. There’s been a lot of that throughout the past few months- talking.

Some discussions are lighthearted, like swapping suggestions for names. Others are practical, like considering how the baby is going to get an education. Still more are incredibly serious: How are they going to help, if the child ends up inheriting their mental and physical struggles? How do they feel about the fact that they’re willingly bringing another human being into the same imperfect world that damaged them so profoundly? How can they prevent that same hurt from reaching their child, through them or anyone else? _Can_ they prevent it?

If something happens to this baby...will they try again?

Thankfully, all the health screenings Vespa has done so far have come back squeaky clean. Juno keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to go wrong and either the baby or Nureyev to end up in danger, but things seem...okay. More than okay.

They walk down the beach that the Carte Blanche is currently parked on hand in hand, and talk about what books they’re going to read to them first.

As time passes, Vespa gives Nureyev stricter and stricter lists of what he can’t do, which start to prevent him from taking jobs on the ground for most heists. Juno can tell it frustrates him to constantly be stuck on the ship or in the Ruby, and he knows the excuses they keep giving to Buddy are wearing thin, but it’s necessary.

Thankfully, their current mission is a fairly small one, so only Jet is actually outside the ship, breaking into the facility. The rest of them are gathered around Buddy’s comms in her office, giving him directions. It’s going quite well, actually.

Until it isn’t.

“Buddy, I regret to inform you that I am trapped,” Jet’s voice says over the comms. “The door to the control room has an auto-lock function we did not anticipate.”

“And...this is a serious problem?” Buddy guesses.

“Of course. Can you not tell from my distressed tone?” Jet says, voice as level as ever. “Unfortunately, the guards will be on me soon. I suggest that you send someone to unlock the door from the outside, or I will likely be captured and killed.”

“I can go,” Nureyev says. “I already have the plans to the building memorized. It would be a simple matter.”

“Very good, Ransom,” Buddy says at the exact same moment that Juno and Vespa say, “Hell no.”

He glowers at them. “I won’t even need to fight. I can get there fast enough to unlock the door and free Jet before the guards arrive.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Vespa hisses. “The problem is that you shouldn’t leave the ship at all. The radiation on this rock is too dangerous for...you.”

Rita frowns. “But Miss Vespa, I thought you said the levels were low enough here for a person to visit safely, as long as they’re not exposed for more than a few hours. That’s the whole reason Mistah Jet’s down there now!”

“Yeah, well, Ransom’s...smaller. So it’d affect him more.”

“Oh. That don’t really sound right, but I dunno enough about radiation to dispute it.”

“I’ll go,” Juno says quickly. “Just give me the directions over comms.”

Rita looks extremely confused, and Buddy is glancing between all of them with a cocked eyebrow like she’s certain something’s going on but she just hasn’t puzzled out what yet. Thankfully there isn’t time for either of them to ask any more questions, however.

Juno runs to the facility and navigates it with the help of Buddy and Nureyev’s guidance. Before they know it, he and Jet are both home free, with the data that Jet broke in to steal in hand. Buddy congratulates them on a job well done, and suggests everyone take a break before reconvening in an hour to discuss the mission at the family meeting.

Vespa pulls Juno and Nureyev aside as soon as the others have left. “You made me look like an idiot in front of Buddy. Worse, you made me look like I’d willingly endangered Jet by letting him go planetside somewhere with dangerous radiation-”

“That was all you!” Juno protests. “I didn’t ask you to come up with such a stupid cover story.”

“The point is, you need to tell them,” she says, jabbing him in the chest. “You can’t hide it much longer, anyway, as much as Ransom seems to enjoy lounging in your sweatshirts.”

“They’re comfortable,” Nureyev offers unnecessarily, tugging at the string of the hoodie he’s currently wearing, an old Earth throwback Juno bought as a joke that says ‘Ladies don’t start fights but they can finish them’ on it.

She sighs and deflates a little. When she speaks again, her voice is quieter. Almost gentle. “You’re far enough along that a miscarriage is unlikely. Obviously it’s up to you, but...I think it’s time.”

Juno glances over at Nureyev, who nods slowly.

“Very well,” he says. “After the family meeting, I...I’ll tell everyone.”

Juno has never felt time move so simultaneously fast and slow as it does during that meeting. It feels like forever and also no time at all before Buddy’s finished combing through everything that happened and is asking them if they have any comments to add.

Juno clears his throat awkwardly. “There’s...something Ransom and I need to say, actually. To all of you.”

Buddy crosses her arms. “Go on, then.”

“Oooh, an announcement!” Rita says, grinning. “I love announcements! Unless...unless the announcement is that you two are gonna go away and leave the crew. Oh no, Mistah Steel, you’re not gonna go away and leave the crew, are you!? Cause I know you love Mistah Ransom so so much but you’re my only Mistah Steel and if you left I dunno what I’d-”

“There’s no need for such distress, Rita dear,” Nureyev says quickly. “Juno and I are not going anywhere.”

“Yeah, it’s not about anyone leaving the crew. It’s actually, uh...about someone joining it,” Juno says.

“What?!” Rita gasps, head shooting around to stare at Buddy. “Captain A, we’re getting a new member?!”

“This is the first I’ve heard of it,” she says, but there’s a quirk to her lip that gives Juno the feeling that she’s already figured out exactly what’s going on.

“I apologize for hiding this from you for so long. We wanted to be absolutely sure that things were going to work out and we were going to keep it before we let everyone know, but rest assured that Vespa has been taking very good care of me,” Nureyev says. He unzips Juno’s hoodie and lets it fall off his shoulders, leaving only the camisole he’s wearing beneath it. “Several months ago now, Juno and I discovered that I am, ah...with child.”

Rita gapes at him like a particularly flabbergasted fish. “Mistah Ransom...you and Mistah Steel are having a _baby!?”_

“Yes,” Nureyev says, pulling the hoodie back on and suddenly looking sheepish. “We are. It’s...due in August.”

Rita makes a noise as high as a tea kettle whistle and twice as loud before launching herself at Nureyev to hug him. “A _baby!_ We’re gonna have a baby on the ship! A Mistah-Steel-and-Mistah-Ransom one, even! It’s gonna be the prettiest darn baby that ever existed!”

“I must admit, I wish I’d been informed of this sooner- only for the sake of helping assure Pete’s health and factoring his condition into my mission plans,” Buddy says. “I assume this is the real reason you didn’t want Ransom on the ground today, Vespa dear?”

Vespa grimaces and nods. “Sorry, Bud.”

“It’s quite all right. Thank you for looking after him. And darlings...my warmest congratulations.”

Jet nods. “The creation of a new life is always a miracle. The child will be lucky to have you both.”

Nureyev looks like he’s about to cry, and also like he desperately doesn’t want to do so in front of the others. This time, though, Juno is certain they’d be good tears. “Thank you very much,” Nureyev mumbles from behind Rita, who is still trapping him in the biggest bear hug her small form can manage.

“Now, this calls for a bit of a celebration, don’t you think?” Buddy says. “I’d offer you champagne, Pete, but that’ll have to wait a few months. Why don’t we break out the good provisions we’ve been saving for a rainy day and have a proper dinner party? Call it a welcome for our newest recruit.”

“Yes,” Nureyev says, looking just as overwhelmed as Juno feels. “I think I’d like that.”

The dinner party is pleasant and the food even better. Nureyev is out like a light as soon as he gets to bed, which is something that Juno is still struggling to get used to, after so many months of always falling asleep before him and waking up after him. 

Juno isn’t tired at all yet and is feeling strangely stir-crazy, but Nureyev looks so peaceful that he knows he can’t wake him. Instead, he presses a kiss into his hair, leaves a note on the pillow explaining where he’s going, and slips out of the room.

Rita’s face breaks into a beam as soon as she opens the door. “Hey Mistah Steel! How’s Mistah Ransom?”

“He’s already asleep.”

“Awww. No wonder he’s been so tired! Making a whole person is a lotta work.”

“Sure is.”

“Come on in, then, Mistah Steel!” 

She ushers him inside to the nest of pillows and blankets that is her bed. He sits gratefully, comforted by the familiar scene, and she plops down beside him with a big smile.

Then a moment later she burst into sobs.

“Rita,” he stammers. “What’s wrong?!”

“Nothing’s w-wrong,” she says through the snot and tears. “It’s just that when I met you, you were barely nineteen and still just a kid and now you’re all grown up and you’re gonna have a kid of your own soon and I can hardly believe it cause it really don’t feel like it’s been that long-”

“Remember to breathe, Rita.”

“-And I’m just so _happy_ for you, Mistah Steel!”

“...Thanks,” Juno says. “I can barely believe it, either. I mean, some days I still feel like a kid, honestly. Like I never stopped being that sad, angry nineteen year old who didn’t know anything about...anything.”

“Well, you ain’t him anymore, boss. You know about lots of things, and you ain’t so sad and angry now, are you?”

“No. I guess not.”

“And now you’re gonna be a _mom!”_

He tries to repress the shiver that runs through him as soon as she says that, but he knows he’s failed from the look on her face.

“...Mistah Steel?”

“Sorry. I’m fine.”

“Do you not wanna use that word? Oh, oh, is the baby gonna have two dads!? Mistah Ransom could be dad number one and you could be-”

“Mom is fine,” Juno says. “Sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I...want this. I do. I’m so lucky to have this with Ransom, and I know the baby’s gonna be amazing and he’ll be amazing and I’ll...I’ll probably be okay.”

“But that don’t change the past, does it, Mistah Steel?” Rita says quietly.

He shakes his head. “No. It doesn’t. I spent more than three decades of my life thinking my blood was goddamn poison. I don’t believe that anymore, but I still get...nervous. And I can’t be nervous, because Ransom needs me to be there for him. He’s got just as much baggage about this sort of thing as I do, and he’s the one carrying the damn thing. I’m just...here.”

“It’s still your baby too, boss. And it ain’t like Mistah Ransom having issues makes yours not exist.”

Juno scrubs a hand across his face. “There are some days I wonder what the hell we were thinking. I mean, how are two people who were fucked up so badly by their parents supposed to raise a kid together? But...I still want to. Is that selfish?”

“Nuh-uh, Mistah Steel. You just wanna give this little baby a better life than you got stuck with. Maybe neither of you had a great example of what you’re supposed to do from your folks, but at least you know what not to do, right? That’s important, too.” She puts her small hand on top of his. “You just gotta choose to break the cycle.”

The cycle. _Hurt begets hurt begets hurt._ He’s seen it enough times to know it’s true- to know that generational curses exist, and there are families who just keep passing down their trauma on and on to the next in the line until their bloodline becomes nothing more than an ouroboros of suffering and contempt.

He’d always thought the only way to break out of that was to not have children, but...the other option, of course, is to have children and do right by them. 

That’s what he and Nureyev are going to do. 

“Sorry,” he says finally. “I’m being ridiculous. Hell, everything you’ve said is stuff I’ve said to Ransom, so I should be able to-”

“Sometimes you gotta hear it from someone else to really believe it, though.”

“Yeah. I guess so.”

“If you ever wanna talk about this kinda thing but you don’t wanna stress Mistah Ransom out, you know you can always come to me, right?”

“I...know,” Juno says. “I’ll probably take you up on that. Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it, Mistah Steel! That’s just what best friends are for.”

“And...Rita?”

“Uh-huh?”

“You don’t have to give me an answer straight away, but Ransom and I were thinking...would you like to be the baby’s godmother?”

 _“MISTAH STEEEEEEL!”_ Rita yells, immediately bursting into tears once again.

Juno laughs. “Is that a yes?”

“A million times over, yes, yes, yes! Of course!”

She bowls him over onto the bed with a hug, irrigating his nightgown with her tears, and suddenly he feels a hundred times lighter than he did just twenty minutes ago. After all, in all their talks and worries about screwing up their child like they’d been screwed up, he and Nureyev seldom considered one very important thing:

Neither of their parents had a Rita.

A couple months later, Juno is lounging on the couch reading one of Nureyev’s weird Earth books when he hears Buddy request a bowl from the kitchen.

“On it, Captain,” Nureyev says breezily, and Juno watches him whisk his way over to the cabinets. This bowl in particular is stored away at the very top, high even for Nureyev’s gangly form, especially now that he no longer wears heels. He has to strain to reach it, and has only just managed to do so when Jet’s hand closes around the bowl instead.

“I have it, Ransom,” Jet says passively. “I will take it to Buddy.”

“I can carry a bowl, Jet.”

“I don’t doubt that you can, but I will do it instead.”

Nureyev stays frozen in the kitchen for a moment even after Jet’s already left with the bowl, then notices Juno looking at him and trudges over. He sits down next to him with a weary sigh.

“Okay, babe?” Juno asks.

“Mm.”

“Sore?”

“Well, that’s not news.”

“Budge up, I’ll give you a massage.”

Nureyev’s sighs turn contented as Juno works his fingers into his lower back. He leans into Juno’s hands, stretching like a cat lying in the sun. There’s still an edge to his expression, however, that belies a more internal struggle than just aches and pains.

“Wanna talk about it?” Juno asks gently as he carries on the massage.

“There’s nothing to talk about, really. I just...I suppose I’m still not used to it, is all. Everyone being so…” Nureyev trails off and shakes his head. “I’ve lived so much of my life alone and reliant on no one. Constantly being offered help like this makes me feel…”

“Loved?” Juno offers.

“Fragile.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a little fragile. We all are.”

“I...don’t know. It’s odd. It’s not actually for my sake, I know, but nonetheless…”

“What do you mean, it’s not for your sake?”

“Well, they’re concerned for the child, not me,” he says, frowning at Juno as though this should have been obvious.

Juno realizes with a start that Nureyev has probably never been treated this gently in his entire life. Everything about him paints a picture of an unbreakable man who needs no one: the knives strapped to his thigh, the dark lipstick, the sharp teeth and perfectly pressed clothes…

But he’s a human being, same as anyone.

Juno’s known that for a while, but the others on the crew seem to have finally realized it too in recent months. Nureyev’s wrong, though. Juno doubts the change in their treatment of him is because of the baby itself- more the fact that the baby has rendered Nureyev too tired and too concerned with more important things to bother with his usual facades. His hair goes unstyled most days, his makeup paired down, and all his nice clothes exchanged in favor of simple, loose numbers. There’s a lot less Peter Ransom in his gait and his smile recently, and a lot more Peter Nureyev.

The others like Nureyev more than Ransom, Juno guesses. And they’re right to.

“They’re concerned for both of you,” he says. “And they care about both of you, just like I do.”

“It’s confusing,” Nureyev mutters to himself without acknowledging Juno's words. “I spent so long trying to get them to like me by being as useful and competent as possible. Now I’m practically a dead weight on the crew, unable to help on the vast majority of missions, and they like me more.”

“You’re not a dead-”

“I suppose it makes sense, though. Their good will towards me has only ever extended as far as their love of you, and willingness to trust your judgement. They love you, and this child will be half yours, so of course they want to protect it. The part of it...the part of me that’s you.”

“Okay, no.”

Nureyev is finally broken from his reverie, and looks up to make a face at Juno. “It’s true. The only reason they trust me at all is because of you. You’re why I got the job in the first place, after all.”

“Maybe...maybe that used to be true, but I don’t think it is anymore. It isn’t just because of me. They like you, Nureyev. Not Ransom. _You.”_

Juno had intended this as a comfort, but it only seems to upset Nureyev more. He sits up, pulling away from Juno’s hands and looking at him with wide eyes. “Good lord, I’ve...I’ve hardly even tried to be Ransom, these past couple months. I was so caught up in everything that I...I all but forgot.” He curses. “I need to be more careful.”

“No, you don’t. Don’t you get it, Nureyev? You’re safe here.” Juno wraps his arms around Nureyev’s middle and leans against him. “I promise you, you’re safe.”

He feels Nureyev tremble slightly. “You...you may be right, and that terrifies me all the more. I’ve never been more vulnerable, more unable to defend myself than I am right now, and...they haven’t hurt me. They’ve gone out of their way not to hurt me. They could do so easily, but they haven’t.”

“Of course they haven’t. They’re your family.”

“Everyone keeps saying that, that we’re a _family,_ but I don’t know that I’ve ever...particularly believed myself a part of it.”

“You are, though.”

“Perhaps,” Nureyev says quietly. “Perhaps I am.”

“Next time, can we heist somewhere a little less _cold?”_

“I apologize, darling. I’ll inform the pharmaceutical companies of your complaint, and I’m sure they’ll agree to start building their supply chains on tropical planets instead just for you.”

“Yeah, yeah. It is...kinda pretty, though. I guess. We don’t get snow on Mars.”

Juno and Buddy are camped out on a planet called Glacya, situated near the border to the Outer Rim. It’s more ice than civilization, inhabited only by factories and the people that run them.

The Carte Blanche was meant to be parked only a mile away, but then Jet had discovered that the Glacyan fuel station where he’d intended to refill the ship has been out of service for the past decade. He had to drop them off and then head out to the next planet over for fuel before they ran out and ended up stranded.

Juno isn’t particularly thrilled about that. Glacya’s nearest neighbor is hours away, and he hates being so far from Nureyev, especially when things are so...far along. He knows it’s for the best, though. They’re not in any danger, and he and Buddy can’t afford to leave this mission another day. The baby’s not due for another three weeks, anyway.

The topic plays on his mind as they watch the factory they’ll be breaking into as soon as night falls, however. “You’re really okay with having a...child around on the ship?”

“As far as I was aware, I already had several,” Buddy replies airily. “You can be quite the child when you put your mind to it, for example.”

Juno rolls his eye. “I’m serious. I mean, if you really want us to...we can leave.”

“Here I was looking forward to a new addition to the family, and you’re suggesting I instead lose four members at once? I don’t think so.”

“...Four?”

“You, Pete, the baby and Rita, darling. I know she’s the godmother, and besides, she’d never willingly leave your side.”

“Yeah, that’s...probably true.”

“It’s going to be an adjustment, certainly, but nothing beyond the scope of my capabilities. What kind of captain would I be, if I couldn’t account for a child on board? Besides, after all the baby-proofing supplies that Jet and I picked up on our last shopping run, you had better stick around. We paid a good deal of money for those.”

“I...didn’t know you did that.”

“Yes, well, we decided the place wasn’t exactly safe as is, what with all the exposed wiring and tunnels seared into the walls by enemy combatants. Forgive me if I didn’t want to be responsible for your child’s untimely demise.”

“Thanks, Buddy.”

“Happy to help, darling.”

They sit in comfortable silence, watching the sun slowly fall beneath the horizon. When the automated lights outside the factory click on, Buddy smiles.

“That’s our cue. Ready, Juno?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

They sneak to the hole they cut in the fence when they first arrived and then they’re in, running to the building with their blasters on their hips. Juno has been looking forward to this, if he’s honest. Buddy is usually back on the ship playing strategist, so they’ve never had a mission alone together. They work well side by side, if their escapades in the shooting range are any proof. He can’t thank her enough for how far his skills have progressed.

They’ve just reached the service door of the factory when Juno hears something buzz behind him. He pauses, looking back.

Buddy frowns and pulls out her comms. “I’m receiving a private call from Vespa.”

“Is now really the time for that?!”

“I informed her not to call me unless it’s an emergency. It could be information about something that will endanger our mission.”

“Fine,” Juno grumbles.

“It’ll only be a moment. Get to work on the lock.”

He sighs and moves to the door, pulling out the lock pick Nureyev loaned him. Unable to go on missions himself, Nureyev’s kept busy the last month by teaching Juno everything he can, including how to pick a vast variety of complex manual locks. Juno whined about it at first, complaining that almost all locks are digital nowadays anyway.

“Exactly, dear detective,” Nureyev had said with an affectionate eye roll. “Which is why so many people have gotten so good at hacking them, and the smartest security teams know to use manual locks instead.”

Which...okay, had turned out to be right in the case of this particular door, Juno begrudgingly admits.

It takes him a few tries but he finally gets the thing open, by which point Buddy has finished her call.

“What was it about, then?” Juno asks, still focused on the door. “Something to do with the mission?”

She doesn’t reply. He finally looks back at her, and is alarmed to find her standing stock still, face drawn into a tight, strained expression.

“...Buddy? Do they know we’re here? Should we call things off?”

She stays silent for a moment, then suddenly shakes herself and plasters on a smile. “Oh, no. No, we’re quite all right. Let’s continue.”

“Then...the call…”

“Nothing that concerns us, darling. Carry on, we don’t have all night.”

It’s obvious that something’s up, and he tries to get more out of her, but she’s insistent that it can wait until later. As concerned as he is, he trusts her. He just hopes that Vespa’s all right. It wouldn’t be the first time Buddy had to take a private call with her to help her out when she’s doing badly, and Juno’s had to make several calls of his own like that to Rita or Nureyev.

The mission goes smoothly enough, with Buddy keeping an eye out for guards through the security room’s camera while Juno breaks into the factory’s main office to steal all the information they need on the rest of the company’s supply chain.

It’s only when they’re on their way out that something goes wrong: Juno trips an alarm somehow, and suddenly they’re being chased by five very angry flying security drones.

“What the hell?” he pants as they sprint out of the factory. “I thought they had people on guard, not drones!”

“That is what Rita’s intel said,” Buddy replies.

“She was wrong, then. Just like Jet was wrong about the fuel station being operational.”

“No, their information was the most up to date there was. Unfortunately, it seems that the last time it was updated was over a decade ago.”

“So...we’re screwed.”

“No need to be so pessimistic, darling. The information on this place isn’t the only thing that’s out of date. Look.”

She nods in the direction of the drones they’re running from. Juno spares a glance back at them and discovers that they’re sparking and swaying, careening through the air like toy helicopters that are running out of battery.

Juno snorts. “Leave it to a multi-billion dollar company to replace their people with tech so they don’t have to pay the people, then let their tech rot rather than waste money replacing it.”

He and Buddy manage to take out a drone apiece with their blasters, but in the end the drones do most of the work of destroying themselves without their help. Once they make it into the woods, the ones that try to follow end up spiraling into trees or overloading in the freezing air. They hear the last remaining drone short out and careen into the ground behind them, exploding in a shower of snow where it lands.

With all threats successfully vanquished, they collapse onto the ice, gasping for breath.

“It’s days like this that make me look forward to retiring,” Buddy says through an exhausted laugh. “My body’s simply not up for running full tilt like it used to be.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Oh, be quiet. You’re only forty. You’ve still got another twenty years before you earn the right to complain like I do.” 

“Yeah, well, I’ve got shitty lungs.”

“You assume that I don’t? I don’t believe there’s a single part of me functioning at full capacity any longer.” She opens her mouth to say something else, but then her comms buzzes and her expression turns dark. “Excuse me, darling. I’d better take this.”

He watches her stand and walk away into the trees, speaking into her comms too quietly for him to make out. It frustrates him as much as any mystery he can’t solve does, and by the time she’s ended the call and walked back over to him he can’t take it anymore.

“You gonna tell me what’s going on, or what?” he asks. “I get if it’s something personal between you and Vespa, but if it is, can’t you at least tell me that? Otherwise a lady’s gonna start catastrophizing over here-”

“I’ll tell you,” Buddy says, sitting down next to him. There’s a strange look on her face, and it takes him a moment to recognize it as relief. “I’m sorry, Juno. I didn’t want to hide anything from you, but given the situation we were in, about to start the heist and with the Carte Blanche hours away...I knew telling you wouldn’t do anything but bring you unnecessary stress about a situation you cannot change.”

“Okay, now I’m really freaked out. What the hell-”

“The first call was Vespa informing me that Pete has gone into labor.”

A jolt of shock runs through Juno. _“What?”_ he exclaims. “But...no. He can’t have. It’s too early!”

She nods. “That was a concern. There seem to have been...complications, at first. She was very worried for the well-being of both Ransom and the child.”

“Goddammit, I need to be there. I should be there. _Why the hell am I not-”_

She gently grabs his shoulders and shushes him before he can storm off. “The call I just received was from Jet. He informed me that everything has stabilized, and Pete’s doing just fine now.”

Bone-deep relief floods Juno’s body, but he still isn’t completely at ease. “I never should have agreed to this mission. H-he shouldn’t have to be alone.”

“You couldn’t have predicted that it would happen this early,” Buddy says. “And he isn’t alone. He’s with Jet, Vespa and Rita. I’m certain they’re taking very good care of him.”

“Yeah, but I...I promised. I said I’d be there.” 

It had been the subject of one of their talks, many months ago. Nureyev had been terrified about the prospect of going into labor, and being so completely at the mercy of his own body. He’d even insisted on doing it without Vespa at first, and only agreed to let her be there so long as Juno was in the med bay the entire time too. 

On top of his dislike of blood, Juno...has always had a tendency to yell at Rita to fast forward through any and all scenes involving childbirth when they happened to show up on streams, squicked out by all the yelling and bodily fluids involved. He’d still agreed to be in the room for Nureyev, though. It felt like the least he could do, to make sure he felt safe.

And now…

“How far away is the ship?” he asks.

“They’re on their way, but it’ll still be another four or five hours,” Buddy says. “I’m sorry, Juno.”

Juno swears, but then takes a deep breath and says, “It...it’s okay. It’s no one’s fault. Um...I want to call him. Do you think that’d be okay?”

“It’s up to the two of you, darling. I can ask Vespa if he’s up for it.”

As it turns out, the answer is a resounding yes, and two minutes later Juno is on a call with Nureyev.

“Hey, Ransom,” he says weakly, wishing for the thousandth time that he didn’t have to use the alias.

 _“Juno,”_ Nureyev breathes. “It’s so good to hear you, dear.” His voice is laced with strain and exhaustion, but also more love than Juno even knows how to stomach.

“And you. Fuck, Ransom, I’m so sorry I’m not there with you.”

“It’s- quite all right. I’m, ah...I’m okay. Things were touch and go at first, but Rita…” He chuckles a little. “She held my hand through the entire first hour. Said she’d been there for Frannie’s first kid, too. Jet kept informing me of the statistical unlikelihood that I was going to die, and I’m still not entirely certain whether or not he was just making those statistics up, but it did make me feel better. As did Vespa constantly making sure I had enough pain meds in me.”

“I’m glad to hear that. I’m...really glad.” 

He doesn’t sound like he’s lying or covering up his fear for Juno’s sake, either. He sounds...genuinely okay.

Juno realizes something, then, that he hadn’t thought to consider: the Nureyev who’d begged him to be there and was so terrified of being seen in this position, even by his own doctor, is not the same Nureyev on the phone with him right now.

This Nureyev knows he has a family who loves him. A family he can trust.

“I’m sorry I can’t be there in person, but...I’m here, okay?” Juno says. “I’ll stay on the phone with you the entire time, if that’s what you want.”

“I...think I would like that, yes,” Nureyev says, then lets out another tired laugh. “Perhaps it’s for the best that you’re not here. I know I look an unbelievable mess, though Rita’s too polite to say.”

“Idiot. You know I don’t care about that.”

“So you say. Juno...I love you.”

“I love you too, and I am so, so proud of you.”

He keeps talking to Nureyev for the entirety of the next five hours, keeping his comms tucked against his ear even as he helps Buddy set up the tent and start the artificial fire that they’re going to be huddled around until the ship returns.

The talk is casual at first, mostly just swapping stories to pass the time. Later on, though, Vespa enlists Juno to help her instruct Nureyev’s breathing, and things are suddenly a lot more intense. It isn’t easy having to hear the man he loves in so much pain while unable to so much as hold his hand or move his hair back from his face, but he does his best to stay calm. Freaking out isn’t going to help anything right now.

Vespa’s steadfast demeanor is reassuring, too. He’s never heard her be so kind to Nureyev, any personal contempt she might still hold for the man replaced by encouraging bedside manner.

“Come on, Ransom,” he hears her say. “Just a little longer. I know you’re tired, but you can do this. Almost there.”

He gives his own encouragement too, of course, but the comms must have been set off to the side once things really picked up and he’s not certain how much of what he says Nureyev is even hearing. He feels strangely okay with that, though. He hears Vespa’s clear instructions to Rita and Jet and their immediate responses of “Yes, Vespa” and “On it, Miss Vespa!”, and he knows Nureyev is in good hands. 

There’s a minute of terrifying quiet on the other end of the line, after the baby is born.

And then...the sound of crying.

He hears a shuffle as the comms is picked up and Rita says, “Miss Vespa has the baby now, Mistah Steel. She’s gotta give them some stuff ‘cause they came out so early but she thinks they’re gonna be just fine. The cryin’s a real good sign.”

He breathes out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Thank you, Rita.”

“Mistah Jet says we’ll arrive on Glacya any minute now, too.”

“How’s Ransom?”

“He’s looking like he’s about to start crying real hard, but in a good way. Miss Vespa is telling him he can hold the baby in the second.”

Juno laughs. “Good. Thank...thank god.”

He and Buddy have turned off the fire, packed up everything, and moved to the open field where Jet informed them he’d be landing the Carte Blanche by the time they hear the telltale roar of the engines. Juno all but sprints to the ship as soon as it touches down on the icy surface.

The bay doors open to Jet and Rita, who are both looking haggard. Rita’s hair is halfway through falling out of a frizzy bun, and Jet’s clothes are rumpled and creased. Juno glances at his comms and realizes that it’s nearing 5am ship time. They’ve been up all night helping Vespa with Nureyev, while also getting the ship back to Glacya as quickly as possible.

They’re both smiling widely, though, not a hint of contempt on their faces about having spent the last eight hours doing what Juno should have been there to do.

“Hey,” Juno says meekly. “Uh...thanks, guys.”

“There’ll be time to thank us later, Mistah Steel,” Rita says. “You got something more important to do. Go to the med bay! Go! Go!”

“Right. Yeah, okay. See you.”

He flies down the halls, only slowing back to a walk once the med bay doors are in sight. His heart all but stops when the sound of a baby crying suddenly rings through the air, so much clearer and and so much more _real_ than it had been over comms. He has to take a moment to lean against the wall and just breathe before he can continue walking.

The doors open the exact moment he reaches for the handle, revealing Vespa. She looks three times as exhausted as Rita and Jet did, her green hair in total disarray, eyes bloodshot and scrubs streaked in a red substance Juno tries to avoid looking at.

She bumps him with her shoulder as she passes and rasps, “Get in there, Steel.”

Then the doors slide shut behind her and he’s alone in the infirmary, looking at Nureyev.

Nureyev doesn’t seem to have even noticed Juno’s presence yet. He’s propped up on the infirmary bed, wrapped in fresh sheets and dressed in only a hospital gown. His face is blotchy and shining with sweat and his black hair is sticking out in all directions. The bruises under his eyes are deeper than usual, the makeup that might have hidden his crow’s feet long since sweated off.

Right now, those eyes are intently focused on the small bundle in his arms, oblivious to everything else in the universe. 

Juno knows that look: it’s the same one Nureyev gave him in that hotel room that had scared him so badly. It’s a look that says, _I’d move mountains for you if you asked me to._ That says, _I never want to let you go._

That says, _I adore you._

It’s not so bad, getting to see someone else on the receiving end of it. He gets the feeling that his place at the top spot in Nureyev’s heart is about to be toppled, but he can live with that. He can’t think of anyone he’d rather cede it to.

“Hey, Nureyev.”

Nureyev’s head shoots up. “Love, you’re...here.”

“Sorry about the wait,” Juno says gently, walking over to his side.

“Juno. _Look_ at them.”

Nureyev tilts the bundle towards him. For the first time ever Juno finds himself face to face with their child, and nearly forgets how to breathe.

They’re a tiny, delicate-looking baby, unsurprising given their early arrival. Their warm brown skin is so smooth and unmarked, similar in tone to Juno’s but completely unblemished by the world. Even this young, he can see the very beginnings of dark curls on their head. It’s strange how much of himself he sees in them. Not just himself, either.

“Looks like you didn’t get your wish, babe. They’ve got your eyes,” he says, looking down into the baby’s rich, near-black irises.

“That’s fine. They have your nose.”

“They’re...amazing. God, Nureyev, you’re amazing.”

Nureyev hugs the baby close to his chest, eyes shining. “I...Ever since I was young, I’ve been very good at taking life. Too good,” he says quietly. “I don’t think I ever truly believed I could be any good at...making it.”

“Well, I gotta say, you’re off to a good start.”

“Not bad for a first try, is it?”

Juno snorts. “Nah, not bad at all.”

“...Not that I’m suggesting we have another. At least, not any time soon. That was...quite the ordeal.”

“It sure sounded like it, and I missed the worst of it. How are you feeling?”

“Like I could sleep for a week, quite frankly,” Nureyev says. “But also like I never want to sleep again, so I don’t have to stop looking at them. It...must be quite late, mustn’t it? You all should get some rest, too.”

“We will. We just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Juno glances at the empty glass beside the bed. “Want me to get you a refill on water?”

“That would be lovely, dear.”

He grabs the cup and goes to head to the kitchen, but doesn’t get further than the med bay doors, which Rita, Jet, Buddy and Vespa are currently hovering outside of.

He raises an amused eyebrow at them and calls back to Nureyev. “Hon, I think you’ve got some visitors. Want me to let them in?”

“We don’t want to intrude,” Jet says.

Rita elbows him. “Speak for yourself, Mistah Jet. I wanna see the baby.”

“You have already seen the-”

“I wanna see them _properly,_ now that they’re all cleaned up and stuff!”

“Let them in,” Nureyev calls out. “I don’t mind.”

Juno stands aside and the others trail in, gathering around the bed in the small room. It’s not often that he’s seen Rita speechless, but as soon as she lays eyes on the baby her hands fly over her mouth and she goes totally silent. A gentle smile Juno has only ever seen reserved for Buddy is playing on Vespa’s lips, and Buddy herself is beaming.

“They are very tiny,” Jet says unnecessarily. His voice is even, but when Juno glances over at him, he sees a solitary tear lining his cheek.

“Welcome to the crew, little one,” Buddy says. “Glad to have you aboard.”

Nureyev leans over, pressing his forehead against the baby’s so their noses almost touch. “Say hello, Bennie.”

“Bennie,” Vespa repeats. “Short for Benjamin?”

He shakes his head. “Short for Benzaiten.”

Rita gasps beside Juno and she reaches out to grasp his arm. “Oh, Mistah Steel…”

That had been the subject of a lot of long talks, as well. Nureyev was the first to suggest it, even, when they were browsing name ideas on their comms and saw the suggestion to use a family name. _“Not as though we have much family worth naming a child after. I suppose there’s your brother, but...Apologies. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”_

The idea had stuck in Juno’s mind, however. One of the things that’s bothered him the most since leaving Mars is being so far from Ben’s grave. In some ways, gifting the name to their child feels like another way to carry him with him. If they grow up and decide to change their name, that’s fine too, of course. For the time being, though...they’re Bennie.

“Bennie Steel,” Buddy says. “Not a bad name at all. Or, is it Bennie…?”

She trails off. They all know Ransom isn’t Nureyev’s real name, after all. Nureyev shakes his head and looks a little embarrassed. “Juno and I were thinking...Bennie Aurinko. Only if that’s quite all right with you, of course, Captain, and I don’t mean to overstep-”

“All right?” Buddy repeats. “Why, of course it’s all right, Pete. Why wouldn’t it be all right? If you’ll excuse me for a moment, I need to...fix my makeup.”

Juno can’t resist a smile as he catches her turn away and dab surreptitiously at her eye.

“Welcome to the universe, Bennie Aurinko,” Jet says, reaching out to the baby. They babble and grab his finger, their tiny hand unable to even wrap all the way around it.

“That’s Jet,” Nureyev tells them, then looks up and gestures at the others in turn. “That’s Rita, your godmother. The red-haired woman is Buddy, our steadfast captain. That’s Vespa, who’s been taking care of you this whole time. And...that’s Mama.” He smiles. “They’re all your family. _Our_ family.”

Juno has somehow managed to avoid crying until now, too hyped up on nerves and adrenaline, but all of a sudden the tears are flowing freely. He’s not even certain what does it- being called Mama, or the fact that Nureyev’s accepted all of them as his family, or just the way Bennie is staring around at them with their wide, curious eyes. Maybe it’s some combination of all of those things and more.

Buddy touches his arm. “Why don’t we leave you three alone now?”

Vespa nods. “Get some sleep. Especially you, Ransom.”

The others file out of the room, then, saying goodnight. Rita gives Juno one last hug around the middle, promising them both that she’s going to be the best godmother that ever existed. Vespa’s the last out, and she instructs them to wake her immediately if there are any problems, then dims the infirmary lights for them.

“There room on that bed for me?” Juno asks softly once they’re finally alone again.

“Why, I think there just might be,” Nureyev says.

Juno slides in beside him, having to cuddle up close so they both fit. “I still wish I could’ve been there.”

“You’re here now. That’s the important thing,” Nureyev says, without a hint of reproach in his voice. “Would you like to hold them?”

“I...yeah. Yeah, I would.”

Nureyev passes Bennie over to him. They’re so light it’s like he’s holding nothing at all, when really he’s got the entire world in his arms. He wonders if his mother felt this way, too, when she first held him and Benzaiten. He realizes he doesn’t particularly care.

It’s a cycle, after all: _love begets love begets love._

This child is going to be so incredibly loved. Juno can’t predict the future, and it will be impossible to protect them from every bit of pain and sadness the universe is going to throw at them, but he knows that much. Bennie will never doubt their parents’ love the way he and Nureyev had to doubt theirs. That’s one hurt they’ll never have to feel.

 _“Everything we didn’t get,”_ Juno thinks. _“Everything we should have been given, but never were…I’m going to give it to them, Benten.”_

He feels the pillows shift beside him and discovers that Nureyev has sunk back into them, fast asleep. Juno smiles. 

Peter Nureyev has accomplished quite a few amazing things in his time, but this one...has to be one of the most impressive.

“Good night, Nureyev,” Juno says softly. “And...good night, Bennie.”

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was very self indulgent and was written when I definitely should have been working on other stuff, but...I hope you like it!
> 
> As always, comments are my lifeblood, and you can follow me on twitter @prydonn and tumblr @prydon.


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